I had to post this in response to the flurry of rumors around NASA’s announcement that this Thursday they will “discuss an astrobiology finding that will impact the search for evidence of extraterrestrial life.”

The rule is simple: When you tell a child anything, they will ignore most of it and leave only the words that benefit them.

Toddler version:

No, don’t run into the street.

Blah blah run into the street.

Young child version:

We’ll go to the zoo if there’s time after the store and lunch.

We’ll go to the zoo blah blah blah.

Older child version:

If you clean your room, you can borrow the car on Saturday afternoon.

Blah blah you can borrow the car blah blah.

Journalist version:

NASA will hold a news conference to discuss an astrobiology finding that will impact the search for evidence of extraterrestrial life.

NASA will blah blah discuss blah finding blah evidence of extraterrestrial life.

…and there you go. Good luck on Thursday, guys.