the script unleashed

It’s what you’ve all* been waiting for, the blockbuster hit of Summer 2009. The Last Domino finally has a screenplay, and you finally have a chance to read it.

Let me know what you think of it.**

* Deana, basically
** only if you loved it

6 thoughts on “the script unleashed

  1. I liked it a lot. It was short and nicely paced, had good dialogue and a not-too-techy time travel plot (it could have been more techy and still be fine) and a romance without too much gooeyness or bare skin. I read it twice and was drawn in both times. Bravo!

  2. I disagree with Karen. More bare skin!
    I liked it, but I would have liked more to happen with last sections. The first part, where they meet and the time travel stuff is established was very good and I really enjoyed it. But everything happening after the rescue in the hotel room seemed a bit less developed and sort of rushed. It was still good, especially the dialogue, but I felt liked I had climbed an interesting ladder then slid quickly down a slide and everything was over. I wanted the slide to be as leisurely and pleasurable as the climb, if that makes sense. I also don’t understand at all why Smith has no memory of Heather at the end and why she thinks he will regain that memory. Maybe Heather could explain that to him at the end, using concepts she’s picked up from her sci-fi readings enhanced with what she learned from Billy.

    But I really liked it and think you’ve got something here. It’s short, but it could be lengthened or even be a short teleplay Twilight Zone episode type deal.

    Did Smith shoot JFK?

  3. The bare skin decision is left up to the director. I wash my hands of it.

    Seriously, though, Deana’s absolutely right. The reason the last part feels rushed is because it was. I had two options when writing the end: develop each part fully and leave the end off, or sketch out the whole thing and lose the proper pacing. I chose the latter. I did that for a few earlier bits, too, so it’ll be interesting to see if those read as rushed as well.

    Now that it’s all on the page, I can go back to it at some point and fill out the sections that need filling out. It’s good to know what those sections are, so thanks for the comments.

  4. I really liked it! I agree with Deana’s comments, and wonder if her last comment might answer that conversation about the job before the mayor… I’d love to see the finished version — especially if it has more time travel tech talk (loved the gradual change thing!). Kudos.

  5. I enjoyed it as well! It takes an old idea and gives it a few new twists . . . I got flavors of Dr. Who, Time Bandits, etc. It had a good sense of humor and fun. I see it as a very good first draft that got all of your ideas down — and will allow you to go back and flesh it out.

    (By the way, I know what Smith did last summer in Dallas. Also, I get why he lost his memory. I like that those parts are left up to the viewer to figure out and/or decide on.)

    I knew tha something had to happen at the end as they couldn’t just waltz away happily ever after. I’m glad that you didn’t kill one of them, though, as the obvious solution would have been to do that.

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